I’m going to disappear for a while.
I have always felt ashamed while discussing with you guys. Because when you guys put your full effort into the discussion, I was using not even one percent of my brain to response. Today when I was in prep school, I spaced out a lot and cleared my head for a few questions and ideas. I decided not to go on here for a while because I need time to think and charge, I need time to absorb and digest and organize and make myself more knowledgeable. I also need time to rest, to free my mind from unnecessary thoughts, to read books and write things, also to take care of school work and SAT test. So I will disappear and charge until I feel like I am energetic enough to talk here.
I mean recently I am not in a very good state and I even start to feel hard to breath or have pain in the heart. I have a feeling if I don’t live a regulated life I will start to vomit blood when I reach 20. There are many books I need to read and I feel that I need to develop a completed system for my ideas. One year and a half ago I almost lost my interest in historical personification but perhaps I should pick it up again as a kind of alternate of my study and a tool to understand and communicate and become friends with you guys.
I don’t know how long it will be but I will be on here again when I feel like it. Even if I appear again with drafts and blueprints I don’t know how far I can go, both in ideas and private. I think I will go naturally, just for the sake of enjoyment. I need something to focus on, or my talent and energy will start to twist and be forced to release through some strange and harmful ways.
I mean history is like a billion-pieces jigsaw. A person cannot bear the whole four-dimension human history on his or her own two shoulders. We need different people to solve different little pieces of jigsaw, and put these little pieces together…When I return, I will complete a missing piece which not yet been found.
I really don’t know how far I can go, in terms of friendship. People are changing. Today we are friends in some way, tomorrow me may not. Like my teacher said you should leave spaces, not for oneself, but for others.
Also friends are people you won’t feel exhausted to talk to, joking and chatting and fighting for a goal together. Friends are people you will trust by heart. I don’t know how many people here know this, but I need to enjoy my real life for a while. And probably, find my comrades.
Originally I am not a person who really likes to think too much and hide my true feelings, and I will not be one in the future.
When I return, I will bring that little piece of jigsaw which is missing. Hope at that time we can become friends by heart.